Back On The Wobble Board

My intelligent self reminds me that we exist every day on a wobble board of life while at the same time my ego screams that we don’t. “I’ve got this he/she/they says.” “I’m in control.” “Nothing can phase me.” And then……

Fatigue sets in, the sniffles and sneezes start and a full blown smack-me-up-side-the-head cold or flu grabs me and sets me back firmly on the wobble board of existence. All of the weight of ignoring anxious feelings couples with lack of proper rest and self care. The Universe is brilliant at reminding the ego self that life is real and life is sometimes suffering and to ignore it is foolish and totally lacking in wisdom.

The current shifting balance of my wobble board includes suffering all around in the form of endings. Sudden endings. Unexpected endings. Tragic and painful endings. And who am I to believe that I can tame life in a way that excludes these endings? Is not life about endings and new beginnings? Stop then start? Transformation from caterpillar to butterfly? Life and death and rebirth? But yes it does hurt on so many levels.

November 1 I began a renewed practice of acknowledgment that these endings are painful. Hurt like hell painful. And the practice to give space for that pain. A practice to look it straight in the eye and be grateful for the opportunities that came along with it. Grateful for the chance to play in the sandbox of life where pain also exists. In the sandbox of my youth I sometimes uncovered kitty poop, but then that was part of it. There was always more sand.

Yesterday I looked the list of recent events which set my wobble board on its edge. Carefully turned over each one like a shell discovered on the beach. Examined it, blessed it and thanked the Universe for the opportunity to experience the learning and growth that will come with it.

Yes, there is still suffering all around. But there is also joy and love and beauty. Here and now and in the future. Life is a creative moment and I am in love with it. I am grateful.