I’ve been in a lot of online meetings and discussions during the past few weeks and I am sure I’m not alone.  “Zoom” has become a common meeting space and is a word that pops up in daily conversation.  The most common chatter that starts (if not dominates) group talk includes the moaning and groaning about how isolation is affecting us.  The conversations are not so much about the feelings associated with the isolation but rather center on personal limitations of each person’s “normal” life or rather the frustration with the lack of it.  This includes everything from inability to engage in business/personal travel to not being able to get a haircut, lash fill or manicure.

The dark cavernous place where that winding road of “whoa is me” talk was leading me was inevitable.  First I was right there with my cohort….”Yeah!  All my travel plans have been screwed.  I can’t get to x or y; I can’t do this or see that.  A huge list of “cannots.”  The list included meetings and gatherings which I couldn’t attend, speaking engagements that had been cancelled, friends I couldn’t see.  Then it really got ugly thinking of haircuts missed, nails going ragged, self-care appointments cancelled.  Poor me, poor me.

If this wasn’t enough, guilt showed up.  I chastised myself for feeling this way.  I listen to news stories of first responders putting themselves out there on behalf of all those sheltering in place.  I wept at seeing news stories of doctors and nurses working beyond exhaustion to care for the sickest of the sick risking their own lives to serve the public in a selfless manner. The self-talk then moved on to include lots of shame and guilt for being so selfish.  Guilty as charged.  Next predictable step?  Push down any personal feelings of loss or sadness or grief which of course is the absolute wrong thing to do.  This solves nothing and is not a healthy solution.

Right now, we share a global common thread of vulnerability, a common thread of sadness that is also pandemic.  We are all being affected in ways big and small.  Our first responders are suffering beyond what we can imagine, but this does not diminish our own personal feelings and sadness.  We really FEEL it.  And it is OK to feel it.

As the twelve steppers share with us, powerlessness is the beginning of wisdom. Would you be willing to consider that there is a global feeling of powerlessness right now?  That we might be better off recognizing it, naming it and feeling it?  These feeling are our personal possessions and should not be source of guilt or shame.  The feelings are ours to own.  And from that begins wisdom.